BadConsultant Type 4

“10 years education, 2 hours experience” Strategist

Mid-thirties. Had a real job once. Left because felt there was something “calling to them”.

In short, worked at Burger King until the rent became too high and then ran through a series of educational programs aimed at ending up with an obscure MBA at some do nothing, hicksville little place in the Rockies (“which was amazing because I could, like, rilly, rilly feel my brain working so much harder because of the clear mountain air… You know?”)

Because of innate lack of intelligence, worked out very early in career that it was best to remember as many names and facts about management theory as possible.

Note: talking about obscure names and facts is a good way of avoiding taking a decision.

Scarily, this bluffer is often paired with senior executives who hold the welfare and livelihood of real people in the balance. Never having managed more than the flipping of processed meat, this scary-cat whispers in the ear of the person who holds the purse strings.

The statistics of suicide triggered by redundancy are scary. Scarier still is the fact that, to this idiot, redundancy means a system that can be replaced by a web services architecture.

Often seen with:

  • An inflated sense of own self-importance

Tell-tale signs:

  • You want to punch them before they get two words out
  • Ability to draw boxes, lines and arrows on flip-charts that would only make sense to aliens or aztecs

Favourite Saying:

  • “In his book The obscure science of understanding elite ethical bullshit, anonymous author describes a model that perfectly formulates the postulation that… “

Puts faith in:

  • Quoting management theory
  • Reading guru texts ahead of everyone else
  • Ability to break into publishing houses just to be at the bleeding edge of management literature

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